I've been wearied from the weight of holding up a faith that my body is too shaken to firmly clasp. The kind of faith that stands as the last house in a hurricane. Or the firefighter that emerges from the door frame of a building in flames.
I've been beaten by the lash that says my unstable faith is lazy, whiny, and unacceptable of an enlightened being.
I am no stranger to the roiling emotions of anger, doubt, fear, jealously, bitterness, and frustration.
Throughout my life I've struggled to obtain some elusive sense of perfection. The kind that never errs, refrains from maladaptive patterns, knows everything, and is always joyful and kind. Even though it is impossible for any human to be infallible, some would make it seem as if that's within reach. This is particularly true in religion and spirituality where there can be a pressure to be impervious to suffering. But, that's a lie.
I've tried to be the unshakable fortress. But, even fortresses can burn and fall from a million fissures and cracks.
All that I know for sure is that if my spirit gets broken, it will be repaired. If I fuck up, I will take accountability for it. If I don’t know, I'll get the answer at the right time. And if I fall, I have support above and right here to lift me up.
That's my kind of faith. The kind the honors the complications of being an incarnate person.
"Ugh! The fuckery of some so called, spiritual leaders."
Earlier this week, I had a meeting with a spiritual leader, with whom I share a similar background. I was under the impression that this would be an informal conversation designed to help us get to know each other better. Initially, they seemed to be interested in being of support. They asked about my current work, aspirations, and concerns. However, as we spoke it became clear that they wanted to sell me their mentoring course at an exorbitant price. A price that exceeds what I have in my bank account at the moment, which I told them. When, I declined and said that I felt uncomfortable purchasing a mentorship at this time, they tried to persuade me to take part in a monthly payment plan. This would have entailed me paying what remained of the full retail price at the end of the program. Given the length of the program and my current as well as anticipated finances that seemed too risky. So, once again I declined. Finally, they questioned how much I was willing to invest in myself, as well as my faith in the Law of Attraction and my manifestation abilities. Are you for fucking real? Not only was this person trying to force their mentorship program on me, but when I repeatedly told them no they tried to misappropriate spiritual tenets to manipulate me. Well fuck them and fuck that!
I know that we as spiritual practitioners are people, too. People who have bills and need to receive adequate compensation for our energy work. Still, we have to conduct ourselves with moral integrity and ethics. This includes respecting the boundaries of others. Moreover, this means being clear, transparent, and honest about our work and our intentions. It’s because of bullshit like my aforementioned encounter that people lack trust in spiritual practitioners.
In closing, don’t fall prey to or commit spiritual dishonesty. Because that’s not spirituality to begin with. Also, your spirituality is your own. Don’t forsake your soul’s power and personal connection to the Divine for the advice of another, fallible human being.